Bakura's guide to bullies & how to deal with them
by Dogsrule
Summary: it's exactly as the title says. but with some author notes from me. and I still need ideas. well anyway read & review!
1. Chapter 1

**Bakura's guide to bullies and how to deal with them**

By: Dogsrule

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! If I did do you really think I'd be here writing this? Anyway here's the Fanfiction!!

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Mortal, after having to listen to you constantly whine about being picked on by the supposed school bully I have decided to tell you what to do about them. Yes it is I ,the great thief king Bakura doing this. Make no mistake, I am not doing this to help you pathetic mortals only to get you all to **SHUT UP** about it, the only thing you need to get help for is how to defend yourselves from me! (Even though it's impossible). And also from ice cream, the brain freeze is extremely dangerous after 100 bowls, but mostly from me.

Anyway now you better listen up since I will now explain the kinds of bullies you can find and how to deal with them.

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**The kind that hurt you physically:**

For all you idiotic mortals out there this kind of bully is the one that beats the crap out of you. And that's as simple as it gets for you. What you can do is:

Get a Millennium item and stick that sorry bastard in the shadow realm for all eternity.

Go take a class on how to fight and then beat him/her up.

Get a gun and or a pocket knife and carry it with you. Who cares if there are laws against it! And if the bully tries anything shoot and or stab them.

You can take the coward's way out and get a restraining order. Though I highly suggest getting 1-3. 1 being the best.

**The kind that hurt you emotionally:**

This is completely stupid but some have whined about being hurt emotionally. I'm not going to explain this one, if you that much of an idiot that you can figure it out too bad for you. For this one you can:

Find a deep dark secret that the bully has and exploit it every chance you get.

Beat up the bully and become the bully that beats people up physically yourself.

Once again the coward's way out, going to therapy. IF YOU DO NUMBER 3 THEN YOU HAVE LOST GOT IT!! IT'S NOT A GOOD THING YOU IDIOTS!!

That's all for now. If you people have anymore suggestions then review this Fanfic and ask me. Then I'll decide whether or not to answer. I most probably will to get you to shut up. And for those you who will flame this story, I DO NOT CARE!! You can burn in hell for all I care.

Also as one last suggestion one way that will help in all cases is to have a millennium item. Then the jerk can't do nothing about it and you will be in control. And I will be in control once I get all the millennium items and there's nothing you can do about it. And you will obey me!! Muahahaha!

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Dogsrule: so yeah, that's all I'll put for now. And about the flames unlike the colorful way of saying what will happen to flames I really don't care about them. If you flame this story I'll ignore it. And please do try any of this at home. This is a professional psycho and not to be attempted by anybody else. Anyway… please review! See ya!


	2. Chapter 2

**Bakura's guide to bullies and how to deal with them **

**Chapter 2**

Disclaimer: once again I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! And once again please don't try any of this. I don't wanna be sued I'm trying to save for…stuff.

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Now I will tell you mortals things that will help in any case with any bully. As with the first chapter the best case is a millennium item. If you get all of them good for you but don't be surprised if I show up and take them from you. Muahahaha!

Second is any weapon you can find. I would say get something like a flame-thrower but you can't carry that with you hidden and the bully would know about it. But that would keep the bully away from for fear of being burned. A much more suitable weapon is a small revolver or a pocket knife. Both of those can be hidden from sight until it's too late for the bully. Why do you think they call them concealed weapons?!

Or you can get your own yami in some way or another. Then you have your own personal bodyguard all the time (as long as you pay them and do what they want. Your fine!). The kind of yami I highly suggest getting is one like me and not that baka pharaoh he can't do anything except duel! (A/N: sorry Yami fans. I'm not bashing him it's just part of the story. Yami's cool! )

And one like Marik, yeah right! That idiot's still in the shadow realm because of his stupidity! As you can see one like me is a superior choice! And you'd better choose one like me got it!

An obvious thing that will help is taking a class for fighting. You can even take a karate class! Just ignore their stupid rules about 'don't start fights', 'don't show off with it', and 'only use it for self-defense'.

Karate was made for fighting and bragging rights! Why do you think they have all of those competitions with it?! Anyway there are tons of classes you can take. Like kickboxing. Even though they kicked me out (bastards). But since I send them to the shadow realm who laughing now!! (Insert long draw out psychotic laughing)

Another thing you can do is totally shrew up the bully's mind so much that they will be too busy in the loony bin to do anything. Make them think Kuriboh attacked them or something. With that way you get the added pleasure of thinking that the stupid fuzz-ball can actually be good for something. (A/N: once again part of the story or is it rant?. Well anyway as a little side note. I WISH KURIBOH WAS REAL!!! or they could at least have a stuffed animal. (A big gussie one))

And while in there if they start to show any progress what so ever mess them up even more! And keep doing that until there is no hope of them ever coming back out of there again. Why do you think that blasted gym teacher never showed up again! Oh, and speaking of that all of the stupid little kid songs combined played over and over work exceptionally well in breaking a weak minded person's fragile mind. Muahahahahaha!! (A/N: I really hope you know what he means by that.)

All of these are my personal choices, but I will now list the ones that are no fun what so ever. You could:

Talk to someone about it. And _nicely_ ask them what you should do about it. I already know from listening in that majority of the time they say and I quote, "you two should it down and talk, work out your differences. You might even end up becoming friends." **_PUKE!! _**That is just about the lamest thing I ever heard! Right up there with Tea's 'friendship' speeches (rants). (A/N: not bashing Tea)

Talk to the police. Get a restraining order. LAME!! Restraining orders are stupid! For one it shows that your weak and even if you get one no one will listen to it anyway!

So yeah I think that's enough for now. But still send me ideas, suggestion, and stuff. I COMMAND YOU TO!! Ahem, anyway you will review got it (evil glare).

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Dogsrule: yeah enough for now. It's about…ah, never-mind stupid watch is broken. Anyway I was not saying that stuff on purpose just to make it sound appropriate for the Fanfic. And about the thing with wanting Kuriboh to be real, that's me talking not Bakura. Do you really think Bakura would want a stuffed animal of Kuriboh! Hmm, weird image. Well see ya for now!


	3. Chapter 3

**Bakura's guide to bullies and how to deal with them**

**Chapter 3**

Dogsrule: once again, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! (No matter how much I want to.) The only way I could was if I had money like Kaiba and of course I don't. Plus please don't reenact Bakura jails are real ok. If you try what he tells you to do you will get arrest if not anything that's worst. Anyway here's the latest and most probably last chapter of BGTBAHTDWT!

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After much consideration I have decided to just post random stuff about bullies and what you can do about them, if you don't want to do what I say just come up with your own or be a wimp and deal with it hoping that the problem blows over. So do what you want stupid mortal.

One thought that came to me was with Dogsrule's English class. In that stupid class where they don't teach you English only force you to read and write crap, they read a book called Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes. Anyway I realized that the stupid wench's father is a perfect example of another kind of bully, the parental kind. For that bastard (even though it could be a male or female I'm just calling them both a bastard because I want to, so deal with it or you face the shadow realm. MUWHAHAHAHA!!)

I say it's almost the same as any other bully, but with one very good bonus. You can get them arrested and sent to rot in jail! Then they can't bother you anymore unless you're a moron and go visit them, don't be that stupid! And when you're bored you can imagine all sorts of bad, but hilarious, things that are happening to them. The amount of time I suggest having them get sentenced is 80-100. Because then they probably die in jail and you're rid of them for good!

And once again one of my personal favorites…sending them to the loony bin. Either one works so it's your choice.

Oh, and speaking of jails…NO THIS IS NOT A RANT ABOUT THE STUPID JAILS OF THE WORLD!!... Anyway sending them to jail has a draw-back. It's only for adults. If their a minor (what the hell is a minor anyway?!) they get send somewhere and not for very long anyway. So you have consistently get them sent back there over and over till they're an adult and can get sent to a real jail. And well, that just way too much work and no fun so it's kind of pointless. Actually forget kind of, it's definitely pointless! Only one of you moronic mortals would be dumb enough to do that.

And once again my all time favorite…using Millennium Items! It's always works! No matter what! But if you get them all don't forget I'll be coming for you, MUWHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, and when I do be sure to leave out chocolate and Mountain Dew. (I get hungry and thirsty when I'm busy terrorizing and terrifying mortals (and don't ask why or question me. I like sugar and I want it so give it to me! )

And now I found out that it's hilarious when you use the Millennium Rod and have the person think their being terrorized by Kuribohs.

(A/N: yes I mentioned Kuriboh again. And that means…side note. And the side note is…that everyone in the world will fall to the power of his gussie huggableness and join the society of the Kuriboh! MUHWHAHAHA! (sorry but I had to do psychotic laughing at least once in this fanfic))

Well after all that I mentioned I decided to quit now. I'm bored and unless you mortals have anything else you want to see I'm done. So now I'll go challenge Pharaoh no Baka to an ice cream eating contest. There's no way he'd beat me in that! I conditioned myself for it! MUWHAHAHA! (A/N: not bashing Yami)

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Dogsrule: yeah, I guess that it. I really don't know what else to write I had to rack my brain to get this, but I really don't want to end it. So can you please send some ideas? At least enough for another chapter. And I might have a completed label on this story but please send some ideas. Well see ya!


	4. ice cream eating contest results

**Ice cream eating contest results**

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(A/N: don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! And this popped into my head and I had to post it)

I sure all you stupid mortals were wondering what happened with the contest. I will just simply say that I lost. Damn! There has to be something I'm better at that him?! I might as well challenge him to a tomb robbing contest…yeah! I'll do that! There's no way he'd beat me at that! I'm the Thief King and he's the stupid pharaoh who can't do anything except duel! Perfect. (A/N: not bashing) but if I do lost this contest I won't tell any of you. If you even start to ask I will send you to the shadow realm…well I would anyway but that's my reason, got it?! Now I'll go challenge Pharaoh no baka…

_A few weeks later…_

Well I beat him at tomb robbing! MUWHAHAHAHA! And even better it was his tomb we had the contest in! so he almost got killed by his own traps! Now I'll go see what else I can challenge and beat him at. Hopeful it's something bloody and violent. Well one can hope. Doubt he'd what to have a challenge then. I guess a bloody and violent video game will suffice.

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